


the future is tricky; but you and me, that's easy

by matslightwood (unbrokengibberish)



Series: lovely firsts [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: First Time, Hand Jobs, M/M, set a few weeks after 1x13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 01:43:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6495832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbrokengibberish/pseuds/matslightwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can’t believe, doesn’t want to believe, that he canceled his wedding, kissed Magnus in front of the entire Clave, all for nothing. It can’t have been for nothing. He’s been keeping Magnus at more than arm’s length, ignoring his calls and his presence around the Institute. Alec knows that Magnus is only lending his services to help find Jace, because it’s important to Alec. Alec knows he’s being too careful. He knows that relationships aren’t set in stone. He knows that either of them could die at any moment. But he can’t imagine the hurt that Magnus would feel if they started something and Alec were to die. He can’t be the reason for Magnus’s pain. </p><p>Or at least, he couldn’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the future is tricky; but you and me, that's easy

**Author's Note:**

> This came out of nowhere and is unbeta'd but I hope you enjoy :)

_Alexander… I might be the High Warlock of Brooklyn, but even I can’t predict the future._

The words have been echoing in Alec’s head for weeks. With Jace gone and Jocelyn awake, the Institute has been nothing but chaotic. They don’t know what to do about Valentine or how they are supposed to stop an entire army of corrupted and unnatural Shadowhunters. But they’ve been plotting and planning and the three of them, Izzy, Clary, and himself, have once again been sneaking out of the Institute trying to track down leads. It hadn’t been working. 

Alec was trying to throw himself into his work. He didn’t need to think about Magnus or that day or the fact that he hadn’t thought about the immortality issue. He needed to focus on getting his brother, his parabatai, back. That hadn’t been working either. 

Alec sneaks out of the Institute one night after everyone’s gone to sleep. He can’t sleep. Hasn’t been sleeping in the last few weeks. Jace is out there somewhere, broken and manipulated. Clary looks like a shadow of her former self, no longer take charge and bright with energy, but dimmed and unfocused. But Alec can’t sleep for more than just that. 

He can’t believe, doesn’t want to believe, that he canceled his wedding, kissed Magnus in front of the entire Clave, all for nothing. It can’t have been for nothing. He’s been keeping Magnus at more than arm’s length, ignoring his calls and his presence around the Institute. Alec knows that Magnus is only lending his services to help find Jace, because it’s important to Alec. Alec knows he’s being too careful. He knows that relationships aren’t set in stone. He knows that either of them could die at any moment. But he can’t imagine the hurt that Magnus would feel if they started something and Alec were to die. He can’t be the reason for Magnus’s pain. 

Or at least, he couldn’t. 

Now he finds himself in front of the Brooklyn loft, pacing a bit on the sidewalk in front of the entryway. 

“Alexander,” Magnus’s voice calls through the speaker. “You’re exhausting me with your pacing. Just come inside.” His voice lacks the usual melodic quality and Alec thinks that even as he tries to not be the reason for Magnus’s pain, he’s still the reason for Magnus’s pain. 

The door to the loft is open when Alec gets upstairs. He closes it behind him, before turning around to see Magnus standing in the middle of the loft just looking at him. 

Alec has never seen Magnus look so…mundane. His hair is lacking its usual spikes, flopping down in his face. He has a pair of old sweatpants on, something that Alec is surprised Magnus even owns, and a button-down plaid shirt. His face is free of makeup and he has dark circles under his eyes. There are books strew all over the apartment, opened and tattered. Alec wonders when the last time Magnus slept was. Alec draws his gaze back to Magnus and finds the other man looking at him expectantly. 

“Alexander, it’s late. What are you doing here?” Alec hates his voice. It’s dull and broken. It doesn’t sound like Magnus. He did that. This man in front of him, this man who looks like a stranger, is not the man he kissed in front of a crowd of people the other day. This man is broken. Broken because Alec is always wrong. He doesn’t know what’s right anymore. 

“I’m sorry,” Alec starts, not knowing where his apology is taking him. “I– I couldn’t sleep.” 

Magnus nods, understanding lacing his face, as he turns and heads to the couch. He sits down inelegantly and Alec wants nothing more than to rush to his side, hold him tight, put that sparkle back in his eyes. But he doesn’t know how. 

“Magnus…” Once again he doesn’t know what he wants to say. Or rather he doesn’t know how to say it. 

“Alec, you don’t need to explain,” Magnus says. His name sounds foreign on Magnus’s tongue. 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Alec blurts out, but it’s true. It’s the whole problem. “It’s not that I don’t want to date you. I need you to know that.” 

“I do, Alec. I understand, but what’s the point of life if you don’t take chances. Neither of us know what’s going to happen tomorrow. With Valentine running around creating an army of rogue Shadowhunters and who knows what else, life is a fleeting thing, even for me.” 

Magnus stares at Alec and Alec moves to the couch, sitting gently next to Magnus. He sees Magnus’s breath catch a bit at Alec’s proximity, but he’s staring at Magnus’s eyes. There is hurt and worry and anxiety and longing in his eyes and Alec can barely understand what he’s doing, before he leans in and captures Magnus’s mouth with his own. 

They’ve only kissed one other time since the wedding and it had just been a quick touching of lips, an act of comfort. But this. This is different. Alec can feel it the moment his mouth molds to Magnus’s. All those things that were in Magnus’s eyes are in the kiss. It’s urgent from the start. It’s longing and comfort and worry and confusion, but it feels right. 

Alec’s hands reach up, framing Magnus’s face and tilting his head just right so that they fit together perfectly. And they do. Alec doesn’t understand why, but he knows it’s true. There’s something about this man, this gorgeous glittery man, that Alec has been drawn to since day one. They work. It’s just a fact and Alec knows that he can’t keep pushing against this, not when it feels like everything about his life is falling together at just the touch of this man’s mouth against his. 

Alec gasps when he feels Magnus’s tongue swipe at his bottom lip. It opens his mouth to Magnus and Magnus takes advantage. He licks his way into Alec’s mouth and Alec’s hands travel to Magnus’s hair and when Magnus’s tongue touches Alec’s own, he pulls Magnus’s hair involuntarily. Magnus moans and the sound goes right to Alec’s cock. 

Suddenly, they’re not close enough. Alec needs more. He needs everything. He needs to show Magnus that he has to be with him, that he’s going to try to stop running away from this, that he will try to take it one day at a time. But more than that… he wants this. He wants all of Magnus for himself. He’s never done anything like this. Hell his first kiss was only a few weeks ago. He’s jerked himself off a few times, but when you live in a home with dozens of other people with a nosey sister and a pseudo brother who you think you’re in love with, you don’t get a lot of privacy. But as Magnus’s hands travel down to the hem of his shirt and he feels the soft touch of Magnus against his bare skin, Alec can think of nothing more than this. 

He moves his hands from Magnus’s hair to his hips and jerks him forward. Magnus scrambles against him for a moment, before he sits in Alec’s lap. Alec pulls away from his mouth for a moment to stare up at this man; this man he wants to give everything to. Magnus’s eyes are blown wide and his lips are swollen and wet and Alec actually moans at just the site of him. His hands tighten on Magnus’s hips and he pulls him down further onto this lap. Their cocks brush together through their pants and Alec’s head falls forward onto Magnus’s chest as he groans, because that’s the best thing he’s ever felt. He pushes his hips up into Magnus’s and he starts to kiss at his collar bone. He sucks hard. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, just letting his instinct take over, but the sounds Magnus makes above him gives him a clue that he’s doing okay. 

“Alex…Alexander,” Magnus moans, and Alec smiles against his collarbone, before he nips at it gently, working his way up Magnus’s neck. “Alec, if you don’t stop, I’m not going to be able to,” Magnus tells him, voice thick and raspy. Alec sucks hard at the curve of his jaw. 

“I don’t want to stop,” he says into Magnus’s ear, before he bites on his earlobe. 

Magnus pulls away at that. Looks into Alec’s eyes. 

“Alec…” 

“Stop calling me that,” Alec begs. 

“Alexander,” Magnus corrects himself, Alec’s name sounding like music. “Are you sure? We don’t have to rush this.” 

“Magnus, you said it yourself, either of us could die at any moment. There’s no predicting the future.” Magnus looks like he wants to protest. “That’s not the only reason. Magnus, I want this. I want you. I’m twenty-one years old and I can make my own decisions, my own choices. And right now. I choose you. If you want me.” 

Magnus’s eyes are shiny, like he’s trying to hold back tears, and Alec fears that he’s said something wrong. But then Magnus leans forward and crashes their mouths back together. He buries his hands in Alec’s hair, before moving to take off his shirt. 

When Magnus pulls away to tug Alec’s shirt over his head, he leans back, running his hands over Alec’s chest. Alec watches as the tanned and painted hand travels over his pale skin. It’s mesmerizing. 

“Oh, Alexander,” Magnus whispers. It sounds like a prayer. Alec leans up and connects their mouths again as he unbuttons Magnus’s shirt. He slides it off his shoulders, running his hands over Magnus’s chest and stomach. He pulls away, realizing that’s he’s never seen Magnus without a shirt on, and gapes. 

Magnus looks down, immediately covering his stomach with his hands. 

“I’m sorry if it freaks you out,” Magnus says, and Alec’s never heard his voice sound so small, so vulnerable. 

Alec gently places his hands over Magnus’s own, removing them from where Magnus has covered himself. Alec stares at the place where Magnus’s bellybutton should be, but that’s not what he’s staring at. 

“You’re gorgeous,” he mutters, reverently. And it’s true. Magnus is thin, but his whole bodied is defined and Alec has a sudden urge to lick over every single grove of Magnus’s abs. 

“You don’t …. mind?” Magnus asks, confused. 

“You’re perfect,” Alec says, before he kisses Magnus again. He can tell that Magnus is still thrown off even as he melts into the kiss and Alec can’t help but think what has happened to this man in his centuries of life that makes him feel so inadequate. And it’s weird to think of Magnus that way, because most of the time he seems like the most confident person in the world, but Alec knows. Alec can tell that Magnus worries about himself a lot, and Alec makes it his mission, right here, that he will tell Magnus at every opportunity he gets how amazing he is. How much he means to Alec. How much he’s helped Alec. But for now, Alec just lets himself be consumed by the feeling of Magnus’s bare chest pressed up against his. 

His hips buck up into Magnus’s again and Magnus smirks a bit against his mouth, and that’s definitely a feeling that Alec is really, really into. 

Magnus pulls away from his mouth again, as he circles his hips into Alec’s. Alec’s eyes roll into the back of his head and he groans. Magnus leans into Alec, his tongue tracing the lines of the rune on his neck, and Alec feels like every nerve ending in his body is on fire. He wants this. He needs this. Now. 

His hands go to Magnus’s pants and he gets them undone, before undoing his own, but now he has a problem, because getting their pants off means getting up which means parting and Alec never wants to stop touching this man. 

Magnus senses this problem and he moves to get off of Alec, but Alec’s hands hold him down. 

“Trust me, my darling,” Magnus whispers into Alec’s ear, before he stands up, holding out his hand to Alec and leading Alec through the loft to his bedroom. Alec’s breathing picks up. He wants this. He does. But this is real. Magnus leads him over to the bed. Magnus steps out of his pants. Magnus’s hands go to the waist of his pants, but he hesitates. “We don’t have to do anything until you’re ready.” 

Alec nods, and steps out of his own pants. He sits on the edge of the bed. He feels out of place, awkward, like he doesn’t belong. His gangly, powerful body against the silk sheets of Magnus’s pristine bed. But Magnus knows, he always knows. He crawls into Alec’s lap and their erections are pressed together through just their underwear and Alec wants this. Even if this isn’t as much as he originally wanted. 

“I– I don’t…” Alec says, even as his hands go to Magnus’s hips. 

“We’ll take it slow,” Magnus whispers between their lips before their mouths are pressed back together. 

Alec shifts, moving backwards on the bed, pulling Magnus with him, until he’s sprawled out with Magnus on top of him. And this is good. It’s good. The feeling of Magnus’s skin pressed against his; it’s amazing. Magnus starts grinding against him and Alec feels like his head is going to explode in the best possible way. 

He doesn’t know how it happens, but all of the sudden, they’ve rolled over and Alec is on top, grinding down into Magnus. His head is buried in Magnus’s neck and he’s basically just panting against him. Magnus’s hand is calmly carting through his hair, but he can hear his breath speeding up. 

“Alexander, hey, hey,” Magnus coaxes and Alec finds the strength to stop somehow. Alec pulls away from Magnus’s neck and looks at him. Magnus’s glamour has fallen away and his cat eyes stare at Alec. They’re mesmerizing. “Just…” Magnus flips them over again, his hands going to the hem of Alec’s boxers. He looks up at Alec and Alec nods. The look on Magnus’s face as he gets Alec fully naked is enough to make Alec almost come. “Do you want me to…?” Magnus asks, hands at his own underwear. Alec looks at him, his eyes blown wide, and he realizes that Magnus is giving him the option to say no, this is too much. But that’s not what Alec wants. He wants to see all of Magnus. He nods again. 

Magnus slides his underwear off and Alec kind of chokes a bit. He swallows sharply and his eyes take in all of Magnus. Magnus leans down to kiss Alec softly, smiling as he pulls away. 

“What do you want, my darling?” And Alec doesn’t know. He doesn’t think he’s ready for everything yet. He wants it, by the Angel does he want it. But he needs time. He also thinks he’d last about half a second right now, so he swallows again. 

“Your hand?” He asks, his voice small, but wrecked. Magnus swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing deliciously in his throat, and nods. He presses a kiss to Alec’s mouth as his hand slides down Alec’s body. He wraps his hand around Alec’s cock and Alec practically flies off the bed. Alec looks down and sees Magnus’s painted hand sliding up and down the soft skin of his cock, his thumb moving to rub over the slit and Alec isn’t going to last long. 

Not long at all. Magnus is sucking on his throat and working his cock and it’s too much. It’s way too much and Alec’s whole body spasms as he comes in just minutes. He melts back into the bed, feeling more relaxed than he ever has, and pants for air. 

Magnus is panting over him and when he finds the energy he looks down and if he could he’d be hard again from just the sight of Magnus’s jerking himself off. Alec stares as Magnus works himself. Magnus’s eyes fly open to meet Alec’s as his own orgasm washes through him and Alec can’t help but push himself up on his elbows to capture Magnus’s mouth with his own. 

They both collapse back onto the bed, Magnus resting against Alec’s chest, and Alec’s arm woven around Magnus’s shoulder. Magnus snaps his fingers, a blue spark instantly cleaning them up and Alec smiles, because that’s a useful trick. 

They lie in silence for a few minutes, both of them regaining their breath. Alec looks down at Magnus who looks up at him. They smile at each other and Alec can’t help himself from leaning down to capture Magnus’s mouth once more. 

“So how about that date?” Magnus asks, as they pull away, and Alec can’t help but laugh. 

Neither of them may be able to predict the future, but at least for now, for this perfect moment in time, they have each other.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me @matsdaddario on tumblr :)


End file.
